A Bird on My Shoulder by Lucy Palmer

Author:Lucy Palmer
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Allen & Unwin
Published: 2016-06-02T04:00:00+00:00

After thalidomide, another possible delaying tactic was lost. It was back to chemotherapy, bisphosphonates, infusions and an uncertain waiting game.

I could see that the children intuitively knew something was different, although we kept any comments about Julian’s health quite vague and minimal when they were around. George became even more careful, something I particularly noticed when Julian’s energy was really low. He would often sit next to his dad playing quietly for as long as possible, occasionally looking up and drinking in his father’s face.

At two years old, Meg and Charlotte usually only had eyes for one another. When Charlotte was distracted, however, Meg would often approach Julian with some tiny object she’d found, such as a little flower head or a leaf; if he was sitting in an armchair she would place the object next to him where he could see it.

‘Thank you, Megsie,’ he would say, putting down his book.

She would smile shyly at him, hover for a while in his presence, then wander off in search of other treasures.

Charlotte was far less likely to notice any of Julian’s barriers. If she wanted his attention, she would simply climb up onto his lap, unaware of his discomfort, and force him to stop whatever he was doing. She’d sit for a few minutes, chattering away incoherently. She seemed to glow in those moments – any attention from Dad was very special and it was always clear that, however he was feeling, she loved being with him.

It was bittersweet to watch them.

In a sense, Julian and the children were living in a far more ethereal place than I was and I often longed to join them there. Instead, I felt smothered by the daily realities of cooking, shopping, fixing, washing, ensuring that everyone had everything they needed. I felt like a circus act, a mad woman spinning plates, rushing from one wobbling pole to another. When I could escape, I did. Reading bedtime stories to the children was something I found especially soothing, as were books, music, wine, prayer or conversations with my closest friends.

Fortunately, there were so many moments of kindness towards us all during this time, so many thoughtful gestures. These acts of love were sometimes my only refuge as, exhausted and despairing, I drew strength from everyone else to help me push back against the fear of what was coming next.

•••

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.